Painful

I am exhausted. To someone else, what I facing now may  not even something to worry about; To me, it is an intagible stress which pushes me to death of my mind.

If I were to pull this through, one day in the future perhaps, I look back I will see I was in growth. But now, it is not the future yet. I am still in the painful process and going insane.

Live with it / end it?

I think I am turning crazy. This is not me. I feel so devastated. I work and my tears just stream down, one drop by one drop.

I want to choose either to live with it or end it.

Save me. Give me back the real me. I want to live my own life. 

Hugs

Babe, you are cool! Congrats for winning the position! *Hugs*!

What did I do today

I have moved some of my stuffs to my sis’ place and placed them in her store room. Now my room is so empty and I am fret over imsonia (Yesterday I had imsonia). I am so get used to get surrounded by many pillows and bolsters. I feel more secure. I remembered first few days I shifted here and I haven’t get anything for my bed, I even get my laptop bag to sleep beside me just to fill the space.

Shifting my packed stuffs wasn’t easy. Can you imagine I was holding two boxes while kicking two other boxes for each step that I take? I walked like a turtle. The guard said they have no trolley and so no choice…we do it our own lar.

I missed the American Idol finale show. I thought I could watch the repeat programme on local channel, Friday, but too bad I had my TV shifted to my sis place too. 

My sis and I went to have dinner at Mid Valley after we have done our shifting. You know while we were shopping, I have the song “You give love a bad name” keep running on mind and I beat-boxed a lot as if I am Blake Lewis. I think he is cool and I like his beatboxing. I want him to win the American Idol competition. 

Prior to writing, msnbc news says Jordin Sparks crowned youngest American Idol ever. Fine…she is good too. *claps claps while still wishing Blake to crown*

A favor

I just want to say that I was/am trying to be nice.

Do not make me having the tears-filled eyes while driving. Don’t make me got very frustated. I know it’s immature to got agitated. I am sorry.

But please, do me a favor…If it is not so hard, please do appreciate the kind.

Girls!

I paid RM 60 to have my petrol replenish.

Since Li Ping never had experience in petrol repleshing, so I asked if she wants to do so. She was excited until the RM screen reaches RM 56 ++ and the pump stopped a little.

Li Ping: “Eh chia ling, why it stops ar?”

Lai Wan was standing at somewhere. I have no idea where she was at that time. I looked at Li Ping and then looked at the figure, then replied,”Oh…that should be fine…It will stop when it reaches RM 60. Keep pumping larr…”

So she pressed on the pump again. She looked at me a few times and I looked at the figure. She pressed harder and I looked harder on the RM screen. She was panicky when she saw the petrol overflow.

Li Ping: “Chia Ling, the petrol came out already!!!”

Lai Wan then came. We stood there. All stunted for about 30 seconds. Li Ping was still holding the pump. We really don’t know why is it overflow until Lai Wan tried to calm us down, “It’s okay. It’s okay. Not dangerous one.”

This heroin Lai Wan then went to take her water bottle from the car and pour the water on the overflowed petrol. I don’t understand why we were doing so, probably we were scared or something, or maybe we wanted to make the place clean as before.

When I start the car engine, I felt gan-zheongness. I scared the car will somehow explode. Haha. When the engine started, so much relieved I felt. Siao.

 Seriously I never heard any story that says pumping petrol could overflowed. I am not proud to say that we are the first to had the petrol overflowed.

Only girls can do these I think.

Twinkle twinkle…

*deng deng deng…* (Guitar strumming)

Mr Heng:”Yoppo, you know what song that I am playing…?”

I got no idea what song he was playing.  I never heard that tunes before.

Me: ”I sure know la…It’s “Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are…” ma…You thought I don’t know right?”  I know that’s far more than just a kiddie song but not to embarrass myself, I have to say that.  :p

Mr Heng laughed. Likes his laughs, really!

Sorry babe, I really never heard that song before. Next time you play again and I bet there will be NOT “Twinkle Twinkle little star” from me again.

Resource plan

Today, my team leader approached and told me that the management has decided not to announce my departure till my last day. Previously, from what I noticed of, management usually make the resignation announcement two/three weeks ahead of someone’s departure. But not on me this time.

The reason why they delay the announcement is that the entire team is growing very rapidly and they don’t hope that my resignation could de-motivates the team spirits. Well, I think that is fine. Not much impact on myself though. 

Yea…the team is growing and I got their stand. When I first joined the company, the headcount for the department was only 22, and now it has increased till 45. They been making a good effort to increase the size of the team and maintain it, hence I understand why they try not to get any departures to stumble the team spirits.

Indeed, my team leader has informed the CN team of my resignation/departures two weeks ago. One week later, I think half of the 45s from the department has known about it without me saying a word.  Know why? The global team leader sent out an email, with the attachment of resource plan to hers’ team member last week. The resource plan has my name in it. My tasks are planned till end of May and latter months are strikethrough with the word “Resigned”.

Yea…so now what’s the difference with that decision of management on not to annouce while 30 ++ peoples in the department has got the information so effectively circulated?

Eyes shade

I cannot sleep in a room with the lights on. I use eyes shade when I sleep. My elder sis who needs to travel a lot for her work collects eyes shade for me. My brother requested some from the stewardess for me too when he went trip last year.

If I don’t have eyes shade with me, I usually keep myself under the blanket. If I don’t have blanket (which is highly impossible), I use my hands to cover my face.

To me, my pillows, my bolster, my blanket and my eyes shades are the most precious things on my bed. Can’t sleep without them. Maybe next time in the future, I shall add Yoppo in the list. Maybe only. :p

Safe driver

I was a fast driver. I used to be one. And I don’t know since when I try to slower down the car speed a bit.

Whenever I stepped more on the accelerator, I reminds myself, “Drive slower. Driver slower. Yoppo said be slow and steady.” Now I learning to be a safe driver. I am serious. Can ask ah bear - the passenger last night for proof.